Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Stuck

Christine Luckins Magee, at the easel
11/27/41 - 1/5/07
I am familiar with the pain of loss. I have sometimes used emotion as a catalyst for painting. Not right now. Right now I am stuck. I want to turn on the TV and fall asleep on the couch. So I stay away from the TV and wander in and out of the studio, picking things up, and setting them down in a different place.

I am thinking how jealous I was when my sister built an art studio in her back yard. I wanted that! We designed it together. The new people who buy her house won't know how much thought went into it's construction.

I considered buying her house myself. Moving to Florida. I don't really like Florida that much, and the studio is too small for me, and all my clients are here in Dallas. It wasn't a reasonable idea, but one born of grief.

My hands are idle. They are tired. The neurons in my brain that move them are failing me. They are busy elsewhere.

8 comments:

KJ said...

That's the way you're supposed to feel... that's the way we're made and to deny it is to deny the reason for the sense of loss. Think of it as a 'room' you have to pass through to get to the other side. Whether or not you watch TV or move paint around will make little difference.

Such a happy face... such a strong family resemblance.

Joyce said...

“It takes years for the worm of grief to eat its way through the brain and heart.”---Anne Michaels p. 265 in Writing Life

Walker said...

ouch
Robin

Bee said...

Lovely ladies must run in your family. Treasure the memories. Love Bee x

Bee said...

Also meant to say ... if you feel like curling up infront of the TV and sleeping .... just do it. Be kind to yourself. One minute at a time.

Bobbi C. said...

Sorry to hear about your sister, Robin. KJ is right...you are doing what you need to be doing, what you are supposed to be doing. It's better to feel the emotion now than to stuff it down deep inside yourself where it can harm you later, unexpectedly. I lost my father about two years ago, and somedays the pain sneaks up on me knifes me in the heart. You should expect for that to happen. Other days, it's better. It does get easy, but it's not a fast process.

I coped by journaling. Writing is great therapy. You can write stories, things you remember doing with your sister, etc. It helps.

hugs,

bobbi c.

Bobbi C. said...

Sorry, I meant it gets "easier"....It never gets "easy"....bc

Ruizlimón said...

I hope you can go thru this one. Keep on, tehre are always memories to treasure as part of us.
Guillermo.